don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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