A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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