i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
