What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
