Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
