I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
