Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
