24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
