week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
