Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
