you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
