Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
