Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
do herpes really smell.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
