I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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