The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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