tell your sister to shave her snatch
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
