You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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