I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
