all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize