Swine flu is the new snow day.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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