Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
