he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
