im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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