brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You smell like stripper and shame
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is Oprah even human
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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