Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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