theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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