his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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