whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
