Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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