he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize