i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
