I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
whose ass print is on the piano?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
