elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
is this the sara with the beer cane?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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