the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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