Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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