I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
