How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
