U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize