Don't make out with my wife yet
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
