he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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