So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
