We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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