listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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