Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sober January is a disaster.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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