that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize