Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
