An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
