Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
