HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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