just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
