Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
