i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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