I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
