Barsexuality is the new black.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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