I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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