you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
