fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
