Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize