Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm bleeding and have questions
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
