His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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