i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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