We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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