Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
