You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
