I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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