so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
