would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
be right there i have to get my cape
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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