He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
