A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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