I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
