It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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